工作

好耐無好既assignment。越做越per。自己想做果ｄ慢慢又變成負累而放棄。唔知老細幾時炒我？都唔係我自己咁想，只要問ㄧ問港聞版既同事就可以對大家類似既心情略知ㄧ二。可能大家都係新入行，仲未有方向掛。樂觀ｄ講，我經過頭ㄧ陣滲既衝勁同精力，依家應該係慢慢磨既時候。好多人十幾年都沒有遇過獨家係真既。ㄚ，我發覺我呢個人對工作真係非常重視，自從返翻工之後個腦想既野都離唔開工作。

bill..

I realised even when I am broke, I would still spend HK$80 a meal. When there is cash in my pocket I would still take a taxi. Kinda strange, I have been saying I am broke but there are always a few hundred dollars in my wallet. Plus another few Renmenbi in my bookshelf, the few thousand dollar debt I owe the bank on credit card does not give me immediate trouble. But the thing is, they started charging me for not paying back. When will I be able to clear the bill??

星期一

It's the name of a new little friend I have been hanging out with for the past couple of days. Well, strictly speaking, she's my colleague. But considering her age and her silly mindset which perfectly matches mine, we managed to withdraw ourselves from the pathetic atmosphere of the newsroom in which everybody I know had lost faith in. She is a charming 21-year-old, still at school, an editor back in her college where she's at senior year. When my bills roar and soar, it's always better to have a companion who will laugh at your black jokes and revel in some shitty talk.

喪路狂奔

原來我身邊的人也蠻關心我的，自從我在msn改了ㄧ個奇怪的名，各方好有紛紛查詢究竟，以為我精神狀況出了亂子云云。其實，喪路狂奔是我下載ㄧ首中文歌曲的時候，歌曲在我的蘋果電腦顯示的名稱。雖然跟本來的名稱差天共地，但是非常搞笑，也很有感覺。喪路狂奔不是我現在生活的縮影，也沒有我現在喪屍路上狂奔的後現代質感，純粹搞笑，敬請原諒。

euthanasia

Just finished a feature story on euthanasia today. This afternoon, when I was stuck at some point, I talked to a senior reporter on our way to lunch. She said the topic was not new at all and asked me why I didn't do a research before proposing the idea. At the moment, her words brought shiver down my spine. It's like a bucket of old water hammering down from above my head. She is probably right. I didn't do much research before proposing the topic. I did it just because I got a hold of a terminally ill patient who was going to die. But well, I don't believe any topic in the world is totally new, let alone such controversial ones. As long as I make it interesting and up-to-date, I think it'll be fine. Since I was not quite confident about my writing(yet I have been working in this newsroom for like year) I sent my raw copy to my deputy chief editor. I haven't got a reply yet but I hope he will come back to me positively.

home?

I don't know why I am sad here in this apartment. I just had dinner with my parents who I hadn't met for more than a week and a pretty long chat at home. We don't usually do it when I still lived there but tonight, there seemed to be so much to tell. Back here, when my imac is beaming pathetic Korean pop songs and i'm sitting on a rug, depression scythes through my heart. Well, it's been like half a month i gave up on the medication aimed at boosting my broken mind. The things worked pretty well but i had no idea when i could actually go without it. so i stopped before i am financially broke because of the 1000 dollar bill each month.

house warming

A bunch of colleagues threw a so-called house warming party for me. But basically i was the one who bought the food, washed the veggies and stocked up on necessities that i would not have got. it's a good thing because with handsoap in my bathroom, ten bowls in the kitchen and a electric stove, my home now looks more like a home. I have to thank Teddy who managed to get the stove to make our hot pot party possible. he had to work today but he still gave sometime for it. It is better than the six bottles of heineken beer and a pack of dried salmon which looks to be bought from a grocery store

vipers' nest

It has been almost two months I rolled back to the vipers' nest. My feelings remain pretty much the same, just that I got a new house and a better pay. Something big has happened though, and I have been persecuted by it. Nobody knows what has happened. The ones I know may not even appear in my life again. Anyway, these days my decision not to speak out against another three months of probation has been attacked by my senior colleauges. Maybe they are right. Why do I need to get a six-month test? Afterall, I thought I got a 60 per cent raise in salary so asking for another favour would have seemed too odd.

離婚

我家有個世交。他家兒子跟女兒都跟我們家的年紀相同。他媽媽看著我長大，她是我乾媽。爸爸是個好男人。舉家移民到美國後，撐起半頭家，當了個穿州過省的灰狗巴士司機。百忙中，他免費當了我的駕駛師父，助我順利取得美國駕照。最近聽說，他們要離婚了。天方夜談。女方說：我感到絕望。男方說：我感到毫無地位。我曾經參加過乾媽的生日派對，看到他們打情罵俏，當時覺得我爸太不懂浪漫。”老婆生日喔，當然最漂亮！“我聽他說過類似的話。聽說，現在他們不講話了。為的究竟是甚麼，我大概不會弄清楚，因為我們相隔兩地，溝通也不多。反正，我知道以後去美國不會看到他們打情罵俏。他們準備分居了。兒子上個禮拜回港，沒有跟我說過一句關於家裡的事。我自己也不想介入別人的事，所以也沒有多問。反正大人有大人的想法，我們當小的不應該過問。他媽媽我倒是想安慰ㄧ下，因為我從小跟他最多親，亦比較喜歡她。可是，大人的想法小孩子是永遠不會知道的，還是不要多管閒事。兒子呢，天性內向寡言，問太多也沒用。我只是有點不明白，家變了，多多少少會受打擊，他在香港怎麼會表現這麼沈靜？聽說他也沒有當過調停人。也許他覺得，涉及兩性關係的問題，總是比較難開口。兩個中國傳統家庭的人物，他們的內斂，真的過火的令人害怕。

無病呻吟篇

As raindrops hit the stainless-steel window frame, I was overlooking the soaked basketball court on the common playground outside my room, after reading several articles of the New Yorkers and a Chinese novel. A new telephone, installed by my nice dad when I was away from home, is sitting quietly with its cord hanging in the conditioned air at the end of my bed while the model train, replica of the one I rode to the lovely moutain Alishan in Taiwan, is leaning to its right over the air ticket that brought me to two countries just last month. I am back for four days. As a matter of fact, I have been busy going out with my long-known friend who came back from the United States after absence for five years. Just til tonight, after a light supper, he left for his uncle's place one day before departing his hometown. 11:57am. Thunder cracks the quiet night. It is time to sleep if I want to watch the EURO match between Spain and Portugal. Cut-throat battle. Who loses go home. But what? What match? My body is lazily, aimlessly resting on the chair, with my back bent and with my brain relegated into a sense of familiar emptyness. What am I doing? Another few months of travelling? A new job or a surprise. I am busy, yes. But I am also anxious. My friend once told me he had to link himself to Jesus because there is no meaning to life the other way. A nice job, good salary equal a kind of stability that he feels inadequate to live with. He thinks he can only find his life from believing in Christianity. Unfortunately, I am not a Christian. So, what do I need? Where can I find satisfaction? I am still looking for it - yet passively - Fragility continues its attack. Although my soul on the positive side, recovered just recently, tells me it may take some time, I still fear loneliness is actually my basic trait, and now I am back to it.

wadashino@Taipei

Although my weak heart is physically reacting to the second-hand smoke piped out from Taipei younsters immersed in their vitual world created by a Internet Cafe situated in Dunhua, downtown Taipei, my mind is pretty relaxed enjoying the laid-back mood in the best getaway spot for me - a half-Taiwanese who live in Hong Kong. I am away from my demanding, controlling parents, away from friends, my job, my obsessions, troubles, bad memories, even away from my Taiwanese relatives right here. I am travelling alone. There is something good about travelling alone. I requested it with a reason to ''explore the real Taipei by myself. My hospitbale relatives apparently agreed upon my theory and haven't called me for my whereabouts. I went to the entrances of two closed musuems, took a couple of pictures of the president house that I have seen on TV a thousand times. I spent two hours of in a bookstore, during which I was reading serveral books while sipping the iced mocha in front of the bamboo curtains blocking the late Spring heat. Well, can't I do the same in Hong Kong? It is different. While it is a different place, what you do feels different. Wandering at back alleys with my five-kilogram backpack, I did have a feel of travelling I like travelling alone. No schedules, no being considerate and no waiting. I talked to whoever I like. I entered to a condom shop under the close watch by the female staff before I walked off without any purchase but a smile. I met the real Taiwanese people. I met the real Taiwanese culture. Just three days ago, I was missing Korea. Sitting on the first-class seat in a airport limosine equipped probably with the best facilities in the world, I was listening to Korean music with my iPod while the bus strode through the dimly-lit Taoyuan suburb. Memories kept flashing back. Friends' faces were no less vivid in my brain than those in the pictures that I was also looking at. The buses' radio was beaming local pop-songs, apparently trying to outsound my iPod and my accumulated happiness flowing around my soul - It failed. Three days, and the reality is here for me to accept. Time rules. As I remember the smoke-free Korean PC bang in Shinchon where I read the International Herald Tribune for an hour and wrote my diary, a 19 year-old-like kid is now playing internet game. He just picked up a lit cigarette right next to me.

wadashino@Incheon

Korean airport is a nice one. Although its style kinda copied the Chek Lap Lok's one, the hospitality of its staff suffice to challenge ours. People here would show you the way when you get lost. If they fail to make their directions clear, they would ask you to follow them. I have been to a cafeteria where I should buy a ticket before going to the food counter for pickup, but for a foreigner like me who doesn't speak any Korean, it is too hard to follow the rules. However, the lady at the food counter, strangely having plenty of time, went to the cashier and got the ticket for me. Right now, sitting in the brand-new, sleek internet lounge of the second floor, listening to the Korean announcements that I will not hear for the near future, I am calm with relief that I finally made it to give my present to the sassy girl. She has always dreamt of working for an airline. Today, I got to the airport early and watched her busy checking in customer's bag at the Asiana airline Diamond member counter. I became one to see her pull back her fallen hair from time to time, and I became one to witness her dream come true. I approached her at a less busy time, dropped a pack of chewing gum that she liked and got the reply within my expectation:``I'm sorry I have to work. Bye bye.'' She stood up a little bit, peeped at her manager, looked down then smiled. It is natural because I was interrupting their job so I walked off swiftly and explained to another staff who had tried to stop me going into the first class counter she was sitting at. I said: '' I was only asking for information.'' Maybe she doesn't believe me because I waved her intervention off when I passed the gate. An hour later, after checking in my own bag, I saw her having enough time to come to me for a fairwell chat. I gave her the present - two packs of Hong Kong snacks I bought from Keewah including wife's cake - because her mom cooked me a very nice meal for me. I also hid some pictures inside the box I took of the kids she liked from the orphanage. Of course, the picture of ourselves after the nice meal we had together. Again, she appeared odd and looked over her shoulders to her colleagues when she talked with me. I felt that the one minute talk kind of cleared the miscommunications I regretfully had with her. With her saying ''I will send you email.'' at least, I thought I managed to say farewell to every friend I treasure before I hop on the flight. My hope didn't end in vain.

travel idea

To me, the best thing about travelling is talk about your own country with a local friend. The best thing after travelling is talking about your trip in your own country with your local friends. What is better than showing a postcard of Victoria harbour to your friends in a bamboo rice restaurant while your inside self is missing Hong Kong subconsciously? Could it be more exciting to know a friend who just visited the same country one day before your arrival and to share on what food to eat and which institute to go for Korean learning? Both are ecstasies for me. However, the worst thing about travelling is to have your friends you treasure missing your fairwell call before you hop on the flight. It is also sad if you believe you will never be able to see a person again. I hope it won't happen to me. Really hope so. Korea, I am missing you. 3:45am at Swiss Motel, Bupyong, Incheon

心靈合一

患 老 人 癡 呆 症 10 年 的 列 根 不 認 得 妻 子 南 茜 已 有 好 幾 年 。 他 無 法 講 話 、 步 行 或 自 行 進 食 。列 根 逝 世 前 昏 迷 了 5 日 ， 在 上 周 六 下 午 約 1 時 ， 他 在 昏 迷 5 天 來 首 度 睜 開 了 眼 睛 。 南 茜 握 彌 留 丈 夫 的 手 ， 乍 見 列 根 深 深 吸 了 一 口 氣 後 睜 開 了 眼 凝 望 自 己 ， 那 一 刻 南 茜 感 到 列 根 是 認 得 她 的 。 女 兒 帕 蒂 道 ﹕ 「 在 他 一 息 尚 存 時 ， 他 睜 開 了 眼 直 望  母 親 。 那 雙 有 幾 日 沒 有 睜 開 過 的 眼 睛 ， 毫 不 混 濁 呆 滯 ， 反 而 清 晰 澄 藍 ， 而 且 充 滿 生 氣 。 假 如 死 亡 可 以 是 美 麗 動 人 的 ， 他 的 死 便 是 如 此 。 」 列 根 死 時 也 在 場 的 邁 克 爾 也 表 示 ， 當 時 南 茜 雖 然 因 為 丈 夫 離 去 而 哀 戚 ， 但 她 的 表 情 卻 恍 如 收 到 了 禮 物 般 。 他 說 ﹕ 「 爸 爸 在 塵 世 凝 望 過 妻 子 ， 便 仰 望 上 主 而 去 。 」 列 根 的 私 家 醫 生 不 排 除 列 根 臨 終 前 迴 光 反 照 、 重 新 認 得 妻 子 的 可 能 。 帕 蒂 道 ﹕ 「 他 臨 終 一 刻 教 懂 我 ， 沒 有 事 物 比 兩 個 人 心 靈 合 一 的 愛 更 堅 強 。 愛 ， 使 一 個 人 在 彌 留 之 際 睜 開 了 眼 睛 ， 跨 越 疾 病 的 障 礙 與 重 燃 漸 弱 的 生 命 之 火 。 」

What can be done in 13 days?

One can travel around the world in 80 days. I have spent 13 days in one single country. It might seem odd to some because the country I travelled is not in Europe nor is it a totally unfamiliar one in another continent. This is the 12th day of my trip in Korea and I have simply confined myself in the city of Seoul for 13 days and now i'm sitting in an internet cafe because there is nothing else to do. What a strange way to travel or what a luxury to some. My friend admired:``I wish I had the time to do the same.'' What can be done in 13 days? I saw a couple of palaces, visited several musuems and a huge mall, met my friends that i haven't seen for long, took care of some kids in an orphanage and overlooked North Korea from the demilitarised zone near the famous 38 line dividing the two Chosun countries. Bundang, Baekyeong Island, Coex mall, Sinchon, Bupyong, Juan's orphanage, Myongdong, Haehwa, Seoul Yeok, Guro, Guil, Yongsan, Anguk, Jongno-sam-ga, Insadong, Incheon Wharf, they have become familiar names. Tickets to the palaces, the worn-out subway map, words to flirt with girls my friends taught, the Korean version of Metro newspaper, the International Herald Tribune I finally got on the last day, the friction soaked with soap from the bathtub and the 269 pictures and video clips - I will keep them. The dinner with my friend's mother, lunches that I missed with my good friend I haven't seen for 5 years, the free video game, Asiana airline, Hite beers, the kids that gave me the warm kisses before crying when I left the orphanage, these will be remembered. Nana, songyoung, woosu, Yuna, Minzhu, crazy party in a soldier's motel, 2 litres of beer in 2 hours, singing ''Ji Mo Nan Nai'' (Chinese version of ''Are you lonesome tonight'') on the 12th day of the trip, waiting for phone calls, getting a huge bill on cell phone, reading a Korean newspaper, kimchi everyday, taking a nap on the grassland in front of the Seoul City Hall while families were enjoy their Sunday- and so much more. I like integrating myself into one culture when I am travelling, and so I did. Didn't I seem to have LIVED in this country for 13 days? Although I still know their language little enough to understand only part of an item's price, at least I know how to read their characters now, though the meaning is another question. This is 13 days in the country I had longed for visiting, and I will definitely come back. Okay, next stop - Singapore.

Shallow men & Sexy books

(Excerpt from Reuters) London - In a bid to lure men away from TV soccer games and into book shops, a British publisher will send out a sexy model to offer 1,000-pound prizes to males spotted reading a selected title. The publicity ploy aims to boost sales among men, who on average buy fewer books than women. "It's to sex up the book industry,'' says a British author.The so-called ''Good Booking Girl'' will canvass the streets this month for men older than 16 years reading versions of Nick Hornby's "31 Songs" that bear a special cover sticker. Meanwhile, results of a poll showed that 85 percent of women believe the chances of accept a date offer increase if the men talk about a great book. However, the poll also showed men had a different viewpoint. More than half of the polled men said said they believed that flattering a woman would suffice to impress her.

buddy

Yeah. First time for my entire life to sleep on a water bed. First time to see a condom vending machine and first time to stay in a love hotel which is so cheap (25 US dollars!) I remember the old movie by Michael Hui Kun-man in which he broke a water bed in a Kowloon Tong love hotel. I was trying to pose the way he did but how come it didnt' burst? What a wonderful day. I went to an island few kilometres from North Korea. My friend, who is a marine officer brought me around the military island and let me in some base camps! I took pictures with soldiers and I played pingpong in the camp. I saw a secret weapon pointing at the opposite side and shivered a bit while I saw a soldier carrying a rifle. I asked:``Is it real''? What a stupid question. His boss is a General but he is so friendly that he looks like my college friend~ We, 3 guys, went to the beach and carved ''I love U'' on the sand. The General picked up oysters fresh from sea water on the rocky coast and I ate them all. So sweet and salty because oyster is sweet but the water is salty though clean. I loved it. I also liked the way the General drove his manual worn-out car with a cigarette in hand whirling past uniformed soldiers saluting to him, my friend and ME. I stayed one night in a soldier's motel and we drank tons of beer before immersing ourselves into some men's talk revolving women, women and women. Man, no women for these men. Poor men. Who would be able to imagine I actually went to a military island where South Korean Army has laid mines and hid secret weapon against North Korea? Cold War? No way. What a wonderful time I had and again I experienced the hospitality Koreans has been showing me. Good buddy songyoung. Nice meeting you General Sid. Thx for planning a wonderful day for me. See you in Pusan without uniform~

japanese culture

``This seems to show that vigorous women are increasing," said a Japanese official while commenting on a murder carried out by an 11-year-old girl. He was vigorously criticised after he said the case signifies a rise in female assertiveness. He said: "Men have committed thoughtless, harsh acts but I think this is the first for a girl. Recently the difference between men and women is shrinking.'' He used the term "genki" to describe the killing, which means spirited and healthy, as a lawmaker did to describe a group of men who carried out gang rapes. The girl reportedly planned to kill her classmate with a paper cutter because she was annoyed by her comments about her appearance. Japan has lowered the age of criminal responsibility from 16 to 14. What a culture.

drunk

I am now very drunk. Went to a pub with my friend. drank tons of beers and can't even walk staight lines. I like getting drunk. The evil is far away. My obsessions are pretty much gone and I feel really relaxed. The best thing about benig drunk isw being able to use the cyber cafe with ease. Just show y our drunk face to the staff and tell them you don't know how to u se the computer. The koraens are nice and hospitable enough to teach you how to use it. Thx, woosu, for being with me tonight and giving me a wonderful night.

Candlelight vigil

Today marks the 15th anniversary of the Beijing massacre. A candlelight vigil will be held tonight in Victoria Park, Hong Kong, the only city in China which allows demonstrations to commemorate the killings of peaceful student activists asking for a democratic political system in the Communist country. Organisers have expected a high turnout, probably hitting 70,000, or 1/100 out of 7 million people residing in the tiny city in Southern China. The Chinese Communist party has defended the Tiananmen crackdown as necessary to maintain stability, and it has resisted calls to reassess its decision to send in troops. It has formally acknowledged errors before, including Mao Zedong's destructive 1966-76 Cultural Revolution, but the Washington Post said Tiananmen is particularly sensitive because a reversal could prompt fresh demands for democratic reform. Tonight, Victoria Park in Wanchai will see waving candles and people chanting patriotic songs. Adults will bring their kids, university students will go in groups, tourists will open their eyes with their maps in hand. Tomorrow, local and international newspapers will print the pictures, so familiar that as if it had become a ritual, of the event happening every year in Hong Kong, to remind our genearation and the next that something has happened in our own country. Note: Hong Kong's population is mostly homogenous. 95% of the population is ethnic Chinese. In 1989, 1 million people took to the streets to support the students going on hunger strike in Beijing.

smell

Humans have five senses - sight, smell, sound, taste, touch. But which sense actually first comes into a new-born baby's mind? Nobody can remember the face of the doctor who pulls you out. Nor can you even remember how your mother looked like the moment you were brought to this whole new world. When people are talking about after-life, it seems there are less people who care about baby lives. Well, it could be kind hard to answer this question because no mother would allow a scientist to wire up a new-born baby, still wet, with electrical cables used to connect to the brain. That would look horribly dangerous, well, not for the baby but the mother. It is okay the question could never get an implausible answer, but Music make people grin and cry. Tragedy can be remembered by either sight, sound or even the taste of banana if one was eating it in his bathroom when an disaster happened. For me, smell by far is the most effective way to trigger long-time memory from my brain. The smell of banana sometimes reminds me of my exchange life in Vancouver (I had one each day as my breakfast because my homestay family didn't buy me too much of food). Images of anectodes happened in an old house in Taiwan always pop up when I walk in the aisle leading to our family base.

how to learn a language

Language learning necessities: 1, TV --> keep it on even you are sleeping because your sub-conscious mind will absorb the sounds and turn it into memory. News is more appropriate than drama as it is pretty impossible for a non-native speaker to speak colloquial dialect. 2, Friend --> you gotta know how to pronounce the basic sounds of a language but you will never grasp it until you are heard by a native-speaker, interactively. TV wouldn't help because once you got to know he sound it is over and you will never know if you actually got it. 3, Newspaper --> if the language involves alphabets, just pick up a book or newspaper and copy until your fingers are burnt. Copying the characters are the first thing to learn in a lanuage. 4, Grammar --> once you advanced to the intermediate level, of course you want to speak comprehensable sentences. grammar books are therefore indispenable. go step by step. Speaking a language fluently will impress any boss even though you are repeating the same words. 5, Girlfriend --> 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Cost to learn a language: TV:free;Friend:free;Newspaper:1-2 bucks;Grammar books:max 30 bucks. Girlfriend:Priceless. There are some times money can't help, but for everything else, it gotta be cheaper than hiring a language teacher.

mentor

It was amazed when he paid 250 dollars just for the thirty minutes we can spend in the premium lounge in the HK airport. He holds the diners' club card that gives free access to it but bringing in a guest costs this much and he hadn't told me. The Singaporen 71 year-old mentor I met in the Standard likes me. He has said I am the only reporter in the newspaper, well, in our metronews section. For a fresh graduate like me I is no doubt too much of a compliment but he asked me to trust a Singaporean so I will. Fate brings us to the airport and fate brings us to the flights departing at similar times though heading for a different place. If I did not wish him good luck for his heart surgery I wouldn't know he is going for a short trip to Bangkok before going to Prince of Wales. For a guy lack of self-esteem after a series of traumas that happened these years, he keeps giving me confidence and I trust him that going back to the Standard is the best thing that can happen to me. Yes. It is the place I can learn better than anywhere else. After all, I was only a full-time reporter for two months before I swiftly left the stuffy newsroom. Let me buy something nice to celebrate with his good heart in Korea, the place he likes.

沒哭

早上六點四十四分。聽著張學友的雨夜的浪漫，雖然醒來，但仍疲憊。雖說清醒，卻仍覺混沌。生命像個夢，但看來現實跟夢再難已分清。有些事，發生了，但寧願是場夢。有些事，發生了，但誰能說是真實還是夢？Fantasy，太澎湃？真感覺到哪裡去？不敢承認問題，問題在心底裡腐化，快要超越理性，攻陷自己。喜悅有眼淚，悲傷有眼淚，有些眼淚不輕彈，有些眼淚白流了，難以解釋。可是，我的朋友請放心，我很久沒有哭過了。

坐過隔離臺啦

今日同個中學同學食飯，我同佢呻自己追女仔追極都追唔到，我將最近發生既事講比佢聽，佢既結論係其實個女仔已經有比機會我上，但我自己唔醒覺。當我同佢講我連送個女仔翻屋企既膽量都無，佢話佢好目弟唔起我，叫我坐過隔離臺。無錯，我係好無用，ㄧｄ膽識都無。件事都拖左咁耐，幾個月了，發顛試過好多次，正經試過好幾次，始終鼓唔起勇氣同佢表白。我怕失敗，太怕了。點解？其實自己知道。我從小到大從來沒有試過失敗，家庭，經濟，學業，工作，ㄧ切順利，從無挫折。對於ㄧ個咁樣既人離講，在別人眼中可能好型，好幸福，其實佢係非常脆弱既。點解我所有事情都咁容易得到？因為我從來都無膽量去試ㄧｄ我自己覺得鐘意，但又覺得好難達到既野。得到既，好平淡，沒有真正既快感。未必得到既，都從來唔會失敗，因為我根本唔會去試。呢次鐘意呢個人，都一樣，從鐘意到自己以為唔鐘意，到自己肯定真係鐘意，幾年了，結果呢？之前果次係毫無動作之下就貿然表白，被拒。今年年頭，再約佢出離食飯，覺得夾，覺得自己仲有意思。但幾個月過左，我重係ㄧ無所有，仲係得唔到答案。我呢份人就真係咁奇怪，唔在意既野我會做得好好，在乎既野，反而會做ｄ同我真正想做既野相反既。普通朋友我通通都會送佢地翻屋企，佢呢？唔敢。其實我想同佢講架，對唔住，因為我既畏首畏尾，因為我既唔成熟，令佢無所適從。我知道佢有曾經試過同我做好朋友，其實他ㄧ直都當我係好朋友。但我既拖泥帶水令我朋友警告我可能已經被列入黑名單了。我好怕，因為我鐘意佢。我鐘意佢，但我逃避佢。可能我自己真係有ｄ問題，但我自己都唔係好清楚點解會係咁。我朋友話，我應該去下旅行，比ｄ空間自己。佢都講得有道理。但我都同我朋友講，我需要既空間係係自己裡面既，唔係地域上既空間。究竟，我幾時先會有呢種空間，幾時先有ㄧ個廣闊既胸襟去接受失敗，接受挑戰？我幾時先會成熟？

巡迴亞洲

台灣，婚禮，自由行，同屋企人。韓國，全國遊，溫哥華，柏克萊，朋友，往事回味，有得去軍營，興奮。新加坡，平機票，辣妹＠！，是但。三個地方，ㄧ個目的。五一四，六三○。珍重。

Linda

*****門外那晚空　門後零時的鐘 彷彿知我渴望妳的抱擁 無奈妳偏要　輕輕說很夜了 要別離去催促我相送 其實妳眼中　浮著柔情千種 遮掩不到背後愛的暗湧 其實我心思　一早已不受控 午夜時更交給妳操縱 LINDA LINDA LINDA LINDA 可不可不要走　美麗長夜不應有著缺口 纏編時辰現還未見盡頭 LINDA LINDA LINDA LINDA 可不可不要走　這是時候交出與及接受 當妳我被愛佔有 明日掛半空　斜射朦朧街中 窗紗捲滿愛望妳的晚風 如若這刻妳　推搪說很夜了 我是難以充心去相信 這是時候交出與及接受 當妳我被愛佔有***** 原來十年沒有聽過既歌再聽係另有ㄧ番滋味，其實古語有云，好歌係百聽不厭既。係床度，用iPod，聽住佢，跟住唱，加上以前日本情歌式既編曲，同埋Linda呢個名，三個字，真興奮！無錯，我係八十年成長既，呢ｄ歌將來都會陪伴我繼續成長。

小豬豬

ㄧ對情侶係通常有ｄ共同語言或者特別既稱呼離調情，例如，小豬諸，BB等等。總之外人聽起離ㄧ定唔會明白，甚至根本唔知道佢地講mud。 但情侶們透過呢種溝通方法，可以達到心靈相通，情感二合為ㄧ既境界，講完通常都會時weed時weed。今日搭小巴，坐我後面有ㄧ對情侶，本來個女仔都ok啦，但係ㄧ聽佢講電話粗口爛舌我就轉為欣賞窗外風景。點知，當佢地打情罵俏既時候，竟然都有粗口，實在頂唔順。係小巴高速駛過清水灣道既時候，突然聽到後面傳來ㄧ聲女聲；豬hai，之後男方竟然回應ㄧ聲；豬hai。原來暱稱係可以mud都得既。

愛．精神病

有人話，愛係當我見到你。亦有人話，愛係ㄧ種催化物。中意ㄧ個人係有好多種意義。簡單離講，就係幸福，動力，生命。對於我離講，愛會令我食唔安，訓唔著，頭令令，眼定定，口啞啞，手震震，其實與此同時腦部高速轉動，將情緒反覆思量又思量，將對話重播又重播，將現實抽離再抽離。科學家話呢個係叫做Obsessive Compulsive Disorder，同ㄧ種精神病係ㄧ樣既，精神病，愛，精神病。科學家原來話愛係ㄧ種精神病。對有ｄ人離講，愛係令人滿足既精神病，因為佢地懂得享受，知足常樂。但對於我呢個脫離現實，多愁暴感既人離講，愛係有喜有悲既，悲為多。問題；如果愛係ㄧ種精神病，係唔係食藥就可以化悲為喜？或者化整為零，好似新片Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind咁？ Gemini 如果你目弟到呢篇廢話，記住，係Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! 記住記住！

拳霸 （台灣）

(BBC) - A Taiwanese lawmaker has taken a breathalyser test inside parliament after TV cameras showed him brawling with a fellow politician. Chu Hsing-yu called a traffic policeman into the chamber after he was accused of being drunk. "Both times it was zero," Mr Chu reportedly said as he showed off the test's negative results. Mr Chu and Lai Ching-teh of the ruling Democratic Progressive Party （同ㄧ政黨！）had earlier started fighting over legislative procedures, according to the AP news agency. Mr Lai suggested after the incident that all politicians SHOULD TAKE AN ALCOHOL TEST before legislative meetings. ***Otherwise this will influence the country no less than drunk driving affects traffic,*** he joked. TV stations had showed Mr Chu GRABBING Mr Lai and trying to WRESTLE him onto a desk. He then tried to HEAD-BUTT his colleague before JABBING him in the stomach. ***Taiwan's parliament has a history of fist-fights*** In 2001 MP Lo Fu-chu was suspended for six months after punching a female colleague in a row at a committee meeting.

神化妄想

ㄧ天晚上，同老朋友係海旁喝著奶茶，吹住海風，輕談淺唱不夜天。從唔知道幾多點，傾到唔知道幾多點，最後同佢係海邊走到佢屋企。與他認識超過十年了，論了解我，捨佢其誰。佢話我係遇強越強既人，其實唔應該辭職。佢又話我縮左水，其實我最近都有發覺。佢話我傾向將鐘意既人神化，呢個我都好同意。但，對唔住啦朋友，恕小弟暫時做唔到你既建議。太完美主義啦，太在乎，太謹慎，所以太慢。幻想太多，太深，太多猜測，所以太神化。工作ㄧ樣，朋友ㄧ樣，對男女關係都ㄧ樣。要改，要改。做人ｊｅ，求MEH? 唔使言念到咁複雜。Life is like a dream。所以所決定，將之前完全不休息，辛辛苦苦賺翻離既錢，係呢幾個月用完佢，之後就去穩工。

低能爸爸

今日應低年級讀TV workshop既同學之邀，做左半日babysitter。首要任務: 將兩個六，七歲既小朋友由屯門碼頭帶到市鎮公園。仲以為佢地只係請左兩個可愛小演員咁多，點知去到發現有ㄧ堆。就係咁我做左三個鐘頭奶爸，仲比其中ㄧ個比較聰明既妹釘改左個幾個花名，分別叫: 媽媽I love you, 爸爸胃仙U，楊利偉二號，莫斯科馬戲班等等。三小時既過程中，因為我同ｄ戲中係孤兒既小朋友玩得太高興，成日嘈到拍緊文戲既同學。又因為本人太鐘意細路，誤將買比工作人員既汽水比ｏ西佢地飲。重點係，我發覺看管小朋友責任有幾重大。最初，我根本唔記得數ㄧ堆小朋友中實際上係有幾個，之後有兩個走到好遠玩我都唔知道。又因為我沒有目弟實個小妹妹，搞到佢玩既時候從單槓跌左落地。終於知道點解家長們會咁緊張佢地既小朋友，原來如果自己既小孩受傷係有切膚之痛，而我好明顯就係沒有切膚之痛，唔見左ｄ小朋友，目擊個妹妹成個人飛噠落地。。。都完全沒有感覺 *<>*好彩佢地無恙。 雖然自己非常牙牙嗚，但係嘗到ㄧ種滋味，就係扮拖住ㄧ對仔女係街到大搖大擺咁行。此乃本人做人目標也。但依家既我咁做當然好唔自然，自覺好似ㄧ個超齡哥哥或者低能爸爸。究竟我幾時先會覺得自己可以做到好似我爸爸ㄧ樣既爸爸？係古代，人既壽命大概只有二十五年。生兒育女係ㄧ早既事。小弟今年二十三，照計仲有兩年就應該死，但點解我仲係咁樣樣？究竟呢個拉長左既世界係進步左定退步左？ 註: 我出生時，爸爸35歲也。咁又好似仲有好耐。

口服液

依家做中國人真係唔錯。以前拿住本中國護照會覺得有點低等，下下覺得會比人歧視，係迪士尼聽到人地做廣播日文都有但偏偏沒有中文。但現在，在恐怖主義勢力抬頭既世代，好多國家既人都驚緊恐怖襲擊，依家中國人終於可以大大聲咁承認自己既國籍。因為偉大祖國奉行和平崛起既政策，伊拉克既恐怖份子唔小心抓左七個中國人都要無條件放翻。聽講，某中外合資公司正在參照太太口服液既原理，研究一種新產品。要知道太太口服液既作用係令ｄ開始唔似女人既女人變成似女人，廣告都有話係令每個動作都更有女人味。鑑於太太口服液的暢銷，間公司依家研究緊個叫中國乖乖口服液既新產品，唔單只令ｄ本來唔似中國人既中國人變得更似中國人，仲令佢行起來每一步都有中國人味，馬上令全世界既人都變乖乖。聽講佢地既市場部正在拍攝一個廣告，個tagline叫<<做中果忍，真姣！>>

咪高峰錄音

看了ㄧ位記者朋友的日記，覺得好好笑。話說佢係當日陪同民主派五位議員闖關十位英勇被扣查既記者其中之ㄧ，被公安押到與議員分隔查問之際，她首嘗被祖國公安竇既經驗。轉錄； 男公安手持MD DISC：「打開來看看﹗」我們笑說：「怎麼打開？」男公安：「就播來聽…」好吧，隨便聽… 聽完了，又說：「還有另一面…」天呀…MD哪有A、B SIDE？ 幸好我們的MP3，他們不懂…沒有要求聽錄音… 但卻收了一記者的電台咪…堅稱咪錄了音… 記者無奈的說：「那把咪牌還我，咪牌不會錄音的。」原來<<表姐你好ｏ野>>呢條橋歷久不衰。

媽媽美

爸爸從大陸十天游回港，媽媽大早煲定青見湯等佢番離。到左機場，雖然明知道飛機重係度飛緊，但著得好青見既佢已經企左係接機閘口度等，逼我忍唔住講左句；飛機唔會降落係閘口架。佢笑左一笑，繼續等。原來媽媽係會掛住爸爸，媽媽掛爸爸，爸爸掛媽媽嗎？她說；爸爸這次旅行懷舊一次之後以後都唔會日日念住要去。令一直以為爸爸只想探黃山既我有點驚訝，因為爸爸幾年前已經探望過他七十歲既老師。但媽說上次太衝忙，不像這次可以住幾天。今天在巴士上，以前係南京讀書既爸爸話；大陸咁污糟，以後都唔會去。今日，目弟到媽媽青見左。

賣旗與經濟

友人今日做好心賣旗看盡人生百態，禮拜六犧牲睡覺時間實在難得。工作繁忙，世界難撈，有意義既活動能令身心康泰。看其日記中照片，活像愛心小天使。只見另ㄧ友人連續ㄧ星期每天工作18小時，由7到1。看他日漸消瘦，擔心。經濟差，野做多左，人燥，生產力下降，影響經濟，更差，人更燥，再降，又降。。。。點解歐洲人可以三點收工？有讀經濟，人類學，心理學既朋友，請指教。

啤酒

利物浦，作客，曼聯，一比○。啤酒，暑片，宵夜，正。大戰，眼訓，過癮，好。輕鬆，勝利，若病好，謝上帝。失眠，持續。

八十年代

朋友send左個介紹兒時卡通網頁比我,裡面有多首名主題曲,包括忍者小靈精,小忌廉,黃金戰士,當然唔會沒有IQ博士,叮噹同龍珠. 點解TVB都唔會重播呢D經典,比我地呢D出生於八十年代飽受經濟泡沫爆破後遺症影響既大朋友一個集體重拾童年豐足美好回憶既機會,相信如果放係皆大歡喜時段播,應該都有30點收視.

203040

Watched the taiwanese comedy and can only described it as ''mouth-watering'' because Liu Ruo Ying is so appallingly attractive that i was the one among the audience who wowed everytime she comes up. Dream girl. Taiwanese. wow . Interestingly, I was sitting in front of a group of schoolgirls who did the same when Ren Xian Qi appeared in tennis outfit. What a contrast. Overall, it's a good movie because because the message was conveyed in good style plus some taiwanese humor. It says: afterall, the essence of love is just companionship, which is a bit sad. Suggestions: this flick is in great resemblance with the hk hit itchy heart but it tells the story from women's angle whereas the other from men's. A pair of movies that one can watch one after another.

domestic work

Parents are gone to China for an eight-day trip. I will be a domestic boy til next week. Besides having to buy newspaper for my stock market-addicted dad's reference, cooking may be another thing i need to do after I eat up all food stocked up by my mom before she left. Today I even made chinese herbal tea for the first time, and this is how i realised i didn't even know how to use my home's stove. Being a homemaker is not that easy, but i can tell great feelings will follow after you feel you have made it. the alarm clock to calculate the boiling time, the laundry machine that i have never used before...or the dirty floor..give me a chance to get organised. When I am under high alert in order not to have the medicine overheated and spilled out, my friend who just lost his girlfriend became so lonesome that he wanted me to have a walk with him. there is one thing made clear here - the internet has become the last option for people who really has nothing to do. in other words, you tend to see people, like my friend, with nothing to do hanging around here. at the same time, something has become unclear, it seems there is nothing interests me except sport that i have put down since my ankle was broken some four years ago. it's a real problem man. if there is no sports, what else can i do? Here comes just another lonesome man...well. boy. maybe i should have a walk with my women-hungry friend.

news

Today's newsy thought: It has been reported that several people were killed and others wounded in a confrontation between US soldiers and ''insurgents''. Witnesses said the fighting began after US troops raided into the town of Fallujah to conduct house-to-house searches. Questions: Why were they called insurgents? They were legal Iraqi citizens. What were the Americans doing there? House-to-house searches? Aren't they violating privacy laws that were deeply respected in their own country? Well. Were the soldiers killed or the insurgents?

Solomon Islands

The Prime Minister of the Solomon Islands has warned a senior official in his canbinet to either abandon a trip to Hong Kong or get sacked. Allan Kemakeza, who fears the long- standing relations between the two island nations could become strained if the Hong Kong trip goes ahead, laid down his marker following an embassy warning from Taiwan. Sir Politics is sometimes like a game between two children: ''If you dont' give me back the candy, I won't play with you anymore.''

2days

It's been two days since I made a swift exit from my company. This morning, I bought a copy of The Standard and realised they made the section one page less. I said to my dad:''They cut one page because of me, haha'' I also realised the front page story was about something I was working on. Now the government is looking at the issue because a legislator proposed his comments in the chamber. It should have been me who went to this assignment. It should have been me who was saying ''what the fxxk'' while writing the story because it is totally no point of a top story. but now i'm totally off. Except a few lunch-time appointments with the ex-colleagues I liked, I won't be back at least half a year from now. My editor told me:''Whatever it is going on, hope u can settle whatever it's going on.'' He said it after couple of attempts to know why I wanted to leave in such a sudden way. ''family matters'' was what i told him..well, them. almost all of them think i need to go back to taiwan in a bid to help lien chen in the disputed presidential election. ha, I left with a mystery. i like that. but anyhow, i believe this decision will pay off. I will rid all pains in six months. I will be drinking tapioca milk tea on a busy taipei street with a peaceful mind. I will hang out with my best friend who is coming to hk from the united states. I think I can make it. Only one thing still engulfs me. There is somebody who has made me happy and, at the same time, I've managed to loosen her up. Now I still wanna do the same, just that I am not capable anymore. I need time to fix myself. I know I will just make things worse if I go ahead the way I used to. Well, but I still care. I miss her so much.

Gathering storm

Watched the ''gathering storm'' tonight on HBO. At the age of 23, I finally got tot know the self-centredness, persistence and an eccentric mind the greatest Englishman ever bore. It is a pity that the movie ended at his return to the English navy with his well-known remarks: ``Winston is back!''. Just too early to end. I thought the movie would drag on until he finished his war with the help of the Americans. But for a man like this, a 2-hour film should not be enough to accurately depict what he did and truly reflect his peronalities. One thing i learnt though- to be great, you cannot cooperate. Persist if you believe in it. There is no truth in the world. There is only history. One has to bear responbilities of wrong decisions. But, if you are not brave enough to follow your own route, only failure will follow and you will have to bear the responsibility too - for mediocrisy.

yeah

YEAH. headline again. I should think my efforts paid off~

holiday

Two days holidays from today. I can finally enjoy writing my diary on my i mac computer sitting right next to the charging ipod mp3 player - my whole apple experience. the now broadband tv modem is quietly sleeping but i know she's dozens of channels waiting for me whenever i feel like touching her remote. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. although it is 2am i am super really tired but i'm also so high. my home. the smell. you ought to feel it sometimes. btw, sorry about those irritating comments on sexuality. but this is supposed to be my personal diary instead of a forum. so please give only friendly notes.

wadashino@hotel

Haven't written diary for ages. I am now lying on a couch in the living room of the business class room in China Hotel Guangzhou. Finally have some time to relax. When was the last time I can surf the net without having to worry about work. But, this moment came after 14 hours of extreme high alert. China - a haunting place.

assignment

This morning I was nagging my colleagues coz I desparately wanted a daily assignment after having my byline disappeared on the newspaper for days. This one interests me a bit - a survey on Nepalese who live in Hong Kong. Some kind of public opinion stur before the anti-racism lawdraft comes out. But badly it is held by the Soceity for Community Organisation, the non-profit civic group which has a tiny and barely-funitured office in a Chinese-style old building in ShamShuiPo. Kweilin Street. Looks like where the Beijing prostitutes opearate their filthy business. I walked upstairs mumbling shit but came out with a smile. Not only was I impressed by the stories of the Nepalese who were obviously in hardship living in homogenous Hong Kong, but there I also met a very attractive woman. She's called Annie Lin, a community organiser for the society. Sporting thick plastic-rimmed glasses and a heavy make-up supposedly put up for the press conference, her calm and stern face gives a sense of sincerity and seriousness. She works for the organisation, mainly to help out the minority in need and as an activist who pushes on ethinic groups friendly policies. As she started reading out the results of the survey, my eyes could not help stopping at her. Psychology experts say one's pupils enlarge when appealed to an attractive object. I could feel it. As she went along, I was further enticed by her clean British accent and exotically accented Cantonese. I'm sure she's not a native speaker. She could be from Taiwan or Singapore. The plain-colored clothing and the simple hair style were clean enough to make me imagine she's an eager social activist whose mind is devoted to human rights. She is also knowledgeable and responsive. She would cite provisions of different international laws on human rights. Her answers to my questions were to the point. I could find good quotes from her. After the conference, I approached her for a name card. Face-to-face, I realised she should be over 25, if not 30, as the shy woman smiled broadly surfacing thin lines behind the make-up as she talked to this 23-year-old journalist(reporter actually) who was pretending to be calm and sound. Wanting so badly to know her more, I feel I am still a hungry little kid who has never seen women. How can I stay on one woman? Or all guys are the same? Maybe my mind will change when I get my dream woman? I am thinking too much. I can never fall in love this way. But, but, there is one thing ascertained by this piece of life. Smart women are very attractive to me. Well. I'm attractive to smart women I bet. But at the same time they need a strong guy, which I'm not yet so. Unfortunate. my ex-gf, who changed my life by wounding my tailbone, surprisingly know me so much. She said being too sensitive will hinder me from growing up and thinking too much will just make me weaker. She got me on this point.

work

Getting off at 10pm, what can I do? Go home. Reaching home at 12am, what can I do? Sleep. Sleeping til 10am, what can I do? Work. Having holiday, what can I do? Sleep. Sleeping 10 hours on holiday, what can I do? Nothing. After doing nothing, what can I do? Work. This is reality, what can I do?

god?

Something very interesting happened today. I was in a media reception of the ICAC. Near the end of it, somebody suddenly asked: '' Are you shaw?'' I said:"I am UC" She said:''Did you ever join singing contests?'' I said:''You are the only person in the world who remembers.'' I started to get embarassed, coz I don't even know her! Maybe I still got some fans out there :P Well, with my face starting to get red, I was listening to how she was telling other reporters how good i sing. I have forgotten for long about this kinda thing. I mean - when was the last time I was on stage? years....she still remembers it. what a magic :D Just the same time, another person stepped in, saying'' He doesn't look like a good singer.'' I said:''Yup, this is a more common comment on me'' Then, my fan said:'' nono he sings really good. you sing jacky cheung's songs right?'' aha. yup i said. The chitchat took a break as the interviewee had something to say. But afterwards, as i was walking out of the venue, she said: '' Remember to give me a namecard when you get one, singer god'' Oh. Singer god. I think I am :P

moaning

People have said to me I look like a guy born with a silver spoon. Basically what they mean is I look kinda rich. I look graduated abroad. I look like an ''englishman''. I start to feel this way. I start to think in English and become a very good direct translator. Maybe it's the first step towards being an anchor on ATV world or something, ha. I write faster now and in a more accurate way. Six months of training like hell in the fucking yet loving news organisation. wow now I am called the press. Something I have dreamed of. Today, I chatted with Yeoh Eng-kiong, the health chief of Hong Kong, in a spring gathering of the hospital authority. He is quite nice. but still, i am not confident enough to manipulate him. He won when i asked him about something I was asked to ask. but it's quite interesting being in a social gathering when so many celebrities were present. Sometimes, I feel something built-in my mind is telling me what to do and how to react to news + news-makers. When did i learn it from? Why did I become so energetic since I graduated? The other question is why was i so lazy back at school? I mean four years of schooling, in which exam did i really tried my best? the United States. At which moment was I able to realise myself? Did i waste the years that have elapsed? Anyhow, I know i'm special. This special kid is waiting God to convert him into a man, and a mature, successful man. Well, a man with a woman whom he loves.

....

''Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none'' - Sane hearts - versus - ''Cold to all, care none and do right to a few'' - evil hearts. ''The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost'' - I say, the time to love anything is when u realise it has been lost. Winston Churchill liked pigs:''Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.'' ''All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.'' Anonymous: Love makes one restless, joyous but speechless. Refused love gives one sleepless, thoughtless sadness.

mai po

One day before the Mai Po reserve was closed, flocks of cormorants were gliding peacefully across the foggy winter sky before reaching trees where they quietly settled down, ready to sit out the winter.A short distance away on the grassy edge of the rural wetland bordering Shenzhen, two staff from the Agriculture, Fisheries and Conservation Department were sporting full protective gear such as plastic boots, surgical masks and gloves, while collecting blobs of bird faeces for laboratory tests on avian flu. Who should we point the accusing fingers at the culprit for the swift spread of bird flu this year? Are migratory birds guilty? Or there is something to do with chickens? WHO spokeswoman Maria Cheng said recently the birds are a ``natural reservoir for the disease'', acting as carriers that don't get sick.This also prompted the Hong Kong government to order the closure of four aviaries and the Mai Po Nature Reserve in the northern New Territories. However, the theory that migratory birds may be causing the bird flu outbreak does not make any sense to Martin Williams, who has a doctorate in physical chemistry from Cambridge University and is also an editor of Autumn Bird Migration at Beidaihe. Williams, who said the closure was ridiculous, believes smugglers are to blame, citing previous cases of smuggling with one of them believed to have triggered Taiwan's outbreak. He also said the timing of the outbreak does not match migratory birds' flying pattern, which gives strong evidence that the birds did not spread the disease. He said it is ``time to look at science'' to answer the key question of how the deadly virus is spread. WWF Hong Kong, which runs the Mai Po Reserve, says hundreds of thousands of dollars will be lost due to cancellation of bird-watch tours during the month-long closure. Reserve manager Lew Young, while saying he respected the government's decision to seal it off, said that wild birds pose no immediate threat to public health. In fact, from the 7,600 faecal samples taken from birds settling in Mai Po last year, none gave a positive result on bird flu. Williams, who is a partner of First Step Nature Tours which guides bird-watch tours in the reserve, said the statistics show migratory birds are not spreading the disease. He said that, in July and August every year, many migratory waterfowls start flying from Russia or mainland China to wetlands and marshlands in the south where they winter. By October or November, many of them have reached their choices of stay, varying from as south as Vietnam to the Yangtze River on the mainland. Williams, 43, said the timing of the outbreak that erupted in the second half of last year does not fit migratory birds' flying pattern. On December 15, South Korea confirmed an outbreak of avian flu at a farm while Japan reported a similar outbreak on January 13. ``That is the time when migratory birds are settled in the south. They are not moving around very much by then,'' Williams, who has been studying birds since 1985, told MetroNews. He said the outbreak in Vietnam, which erupted in July according to media reports, is too early if it is caused by migratory birds, which were still up north in Russia. According to the Japan Times, the Indonesian government admits the deadly flu had appeared as early as September. ``Most migratory waterfowls do not reach down to Indonesia either. They are very rare there,'' Williams said. ``You take the notion that birds migrate and you draw some lines on the map. ``Knowing that they do carry original bird flu, you make a jump and say: `they carry H5N1','' he said, describing those who link bird flu with migratory birds as ``not respecting science''. He said the new strain of the virus is so fatal that birds will die fast before being able to transmit it from one place to another, citing the example of a dead falcon found in Tuen Mun last month that was later found to bear H5N1. The British New Scientist magazine, in its latest issue, claims that the virus could have evolved on the mainland as early as in the first half of last year and was spread through smuggling of poultry. Williams echos the allegation, citing reports that a shipment of duck meat from the mainland had H5N1 early last year. He also said the outbreak of bird flu in Taiwan last month can be traced to duck meat smuggled in from the mainland. ``There are hundreds of millions of chickens around Asia, especially in China. It is very difficult to make sure not one of them contains the virus,'' he said. ``It is easy to blame migratory birds. They don't vote. ``We don't perceive them as having a big economic value . . . as the poultry industry that is worth billions of dollars.'' the avid bird watcher said.

boss

It is just another new guy who landed after the editorial shake-up. American again, who, like our new deputy chief, positions himself as a writing coach. What is so important about standing out the writing coach image? It possibly has to do with power balancing with old staff. This guy, apparently in his 50s, came to my temporary desk today and lectured how I should go with the pig breeder's story. Hong Kong last farm being forced out of business - well, sounds ok, especially for foreigners. The main point - I didn't tell him I have already got a hold of my target interviewee, and my editor asked me to work on it , thus assigned me no daily piece tomorrow. Yes. Tomorrow could be an easier day. I will just call you, Mr. Mak. Come on baby.

139am

Nights have come and gone too fast these days. Now, 1:39am, does not seem to have come after I have done anything at home after a long day filled with usual stress and, particularly today, supressed anger at my heartless editor who made annoying, disruptive changes to the flow of my story. No mood to sleep, with my stomach cramping as usual, realising too soon will come the time for getting up on another working day. Where is life? 15 hours of work and travel a day. Separate holidays spent on long but shallow sleep. Two days off a week, true, but they are not bringing me the feel of rest. This is reality. I have told friends we should not give in to reality. This only works when people have no emotions. ''This is the post-modern syndrome afflicting well-fed youngsters born in the affluent '80s.'' This is also what I told one friend. I think this is kinda true. There is one good thing, as far as I have sought to find out, about this job - I started to feel comfortable while writing, well, typing.

deen

Let's see how he's gonna change it. I just finished writing a feature story on the controversy over the spread of bird flu. I was told to write in a feature style, so of course I tried to make it special with different wordings and a figurative beginning. But,my editor called me up and asked me to rewrite it. He actually rewrote part of it for me. Frustrated, I watched what he was typing on screen with his wringled fingers tapping loud on the keyboard. I sadly realised he was changing it into normal style with a internal pyramid mode. so depressing. Dionne, sorry the article published tomorrow is not written by me. Too bad.

bird watcher

I just had a phone interview with a bird watcher on the controversy over the role of migratory birds in the spread of bird flu. Maybe it is too controversial, I have no idea of what he was talking about. Sounding British, he cited types of birds, ducks, wild birds .....that I wouldn't even know the Chinese name of. My resort was keep saying ''right..right'' ''oh....yeah'' while brushing my mess hair right out of bed on this supposed-to-be holiday Saturday. Yeah, my editor told me there is not such thing of working nine hours in journalism. Tomorrow, i'm gonna actually go find him in the remote island of Cheung Chau at noon. I hope talking face to face will help coz i can at least read his lips and show on my face of total confusion and nag him for at least one hour - things i can no way do over the phone. But, tomorrow is the deadline of the article. Can I finish it? Of course I can. But the content....this reminds me of a point a book i once read cites, ''Creative people are always stuck with too much information and unable initiate work.'' That applies so perfectly to me. I still haven't got a clear picture even after reading tons of articles !

salary

I realised how indifferent money is to me, so is bureaucracy. I would just toss company documents on the desk until everything gets so messy that i can't find it. I would not bother to claim back travel expenses. I would not care how much pay i get for this month. like today, i got a HK$5,200 check. why the hell is it so much? i dun really care. i dun bother to calculate it. well, of coz coz it's more than i thought i should get. but still...maybe i'll be a great person because i don't care about the pay :P or i will get broke before 50 y/o. coz of the big check, i rewarded myself by buying two CDs i wanted to get in taiwan but coz of the funny ride through lunar new year traffic, during which my younger and older cousins kept telling joking to relieve my fear that i would not be able to work the next day, i could only rush through the immigration, even failing to tell the officer where i stayed and my phone number and stuff. but he let me go anyway haha. the CDs i got are eva siu and liang jing ru, two favourites after yan zi.

airport

It was so close i was just about to miss the flight. it took me two hours from my home in hsinchu to taipei airport. lunar new year jam. everybody going home. it was actually a dillemma as my cousin kept telling me some places i have never been, some nice markets where i can try new tastes of food. i really wanna stay. i tried to respond to their jokes by saying,'' where is ji long? what is the best there'' for the first hour. but then when time passed, i started to feel very very stressed, like i'm always...but i didn't wanna be absent from work the next day..um..job...is different from school. well. during then, my cute cousin kept saying stupid stuff such as proving how bad she is in memorizing my phone number and my older cousin matching and making fun of her. so funny. one sweet thing, i always think of their good motives. bc they are always so nice to me. and they are real. taiwanese are more real than hk people. i bet they were trying ease my fear. that's it. and they did. after bumpy rides in local roads bc every single entrance to highway were packed with cars and buses...even the shoulders were jammed. (well, we mistakenly thought once one particular section was not jammed because we saw some cars moving, but actually they were those illegally sneaking through on the buffer lane)...after the bumpy rides, we arrived at taipei international airport 2 mintues before the counter closed. i could even not see off one cousin as she was inside the car. there were four of them. only one went with me to the counter. i could only wave a short bye to them. it's a pity. but the time is late enough that the lady staff was kinda pissed as she didn't answer me questions with the usual smile and politeness. but still. i could get through. The first thing i did at the waiting gate was , of coz, call my cousins and said thx to them.

Breeding ground for death

I just got an assignment for tomorrow. I'll go to Mai Po, the preserved natural habitat for wild birds up north. I bet it'll be cold I guess I'll be tired. No more night shift, just for one day. The line: The scenic fabulous place for bird and tourists, but is it the breeding ground for death? Sounds quite nice. I am sure it's not my editor's idea :P should have been new boss'.

Coutdown@the office

Yeah clock ticking towards midnight, but i'm still in kowloon bay stuffy filthy office of the empty desks around me. night shifts. but I checked in at 1030am somehow. nobody told me about the new policy that came in effect 1am last night. just have no time to inform me. but why? better don't ask why. you are fucking new. just down it. went to bed at four, got up at eight. great. it sounds like a taxi driver, but i will start work at 6pm tomm. how funny.

Taipei Times

Latest goal. Taipei times reporter. apartment at new town near taipei. really nice. city planning like the states. it's so easy to go to taiwan now. i felt like i went there to sing karaoke this weekend. didn't do much. but relaxed a lot. I love taiwan. it's my 2nd home. so many memories. so many connections. so nice seniors. best place to get away. made a very good choice. but sorry U friends. i mistook this sun into another one. so you guys may think i lied. but i really thought i had to work on sunday. except this one that i was actually in taiwan playing basketball. i love it.

pub@cheklapkok

This is what i wrote in a nice pub where I had a cup of apple cider and few pieces of spiced peanut. ''I am now in the airport lounge beyond the immigration clearance. This is basically a citizen's lounge. i call it citizen's just because there are somewhere that i can't really go in without paying. It's a basic free lounge. Sitting at the co-called Cafe Deco pub and restaurant, which has a Chinese name equivalent to ''Victoria's view'', I am only able to overlook the people milling around downstairs at the airport shopping floor. It's raining outside anyway, while the fireworks are flashing off the sanpan tied to the rusted docks in the real Victoria Harbour. Here we got an South East Asian-looking lady singing R & B in front of me. Nobody is actually looking at her, but she's putting all kinds of emotions on her face to make sure it looks like she's interacting with the audience. She seems to be enjoying herself though as she would talk to her guitarists before beginning another song. Professional. HK airport now gets a shopping floor and a food court floor. As the SCMP puts it the other day, it's no longer a cold place. They got restaurants, fastfood shops and even pubs where you can watch football. They even got the American Popeye's and Burger King right next to the Japanese Ajisen Ramen. International airport. Walking towards to the waiting hall after finishing a meal can really make you feel the closeness and convenience of this close-to-perfect design. you feel like ''it's right there!'' and you would mumble out the ''wow'' feelings with some onion smells from the ramen you just ate. You can't even eat after you cross the Octopus machine at MTR stations can you? it's just so close here. The singer is now talking to some American guys as one table of people took off without even a turn of a head. ''I have never been there'' she said to the guy. '' I won a free trip there'' he said. ''oh you did,'' she replied. Non-sense :D so stupid conversation :D maybe it's called chitchat. i spent some three hundred dollars in two hours. i bought one book, ate and now having a drink at this nice pub. Spending money with your credit is just one way to fill the emptiness. well. problem lingers. but i'm sure i'll feel completely different two hours later, as i'll see my lovely cousins. I hope.'' And finally i did relax, after playing basketball and chatting til dawn with my cousin.

Taiwan

Yesterday when I was eating with my parents, we suddenly go to the point that my dad will play mahjong with his friends on ''chu san''. I remember I asked,'' what are we gonng do then[me and my mom],'' and i said we will go to taiwan then. My dad's reaction to everything was said in the familiy always has a huge impact. He said,'' why not?'' then everyone of us, (basically just me and mom, or only me) got so excited, and started to say we made so much money last year [ from the stock market], and i already got a job, it should be no problem. actually my dad has been pretty excited about everything happened last year, everything means the stock market. anyway he's been pretty upbeat these days. with mom's almost always control[not really control, but dominated?] by two of us, we got the bill and rushed to the travel agency. ok, we are gonna pay, but my sis suddenly called and asked where we will be at on the first day of new year(which is today), of coz we said we'll be in taiwan and dad will be home, she cried foul. she was gonna give us a surprise by ring us outside our door, after a long haul flight from the US. oh well, then my mom stole the payment slip from the agent, and we made it void. of coz, they have been waiting for my sis for so long. I guess my dad won't be playing mahjong either. as what he puts it,'' oh i can't play mahjong then''. they'll be getting prepared for everything that they think, and i won't have the heart to think, my sis will like by then. 10 minutes later, i said,'' I will go by myself,'' and here i come taiwan. one of my cousin has been working really hard, he's studying parttime with a full time job. I totally understand how hard it could be, staining your textbooks with coffee from the office pantry. i think i'm gonna see him. but more importantly, i wanna get away. I dunno how to put it, but i just wanna get away. my real friends will know why.