無病呻吟篇

As raindrops hit the stainless-steel window frame, I was overlooking the soaked basketball court on the common playground outside my room, after reading several articles of the New Yorkers and a Chinese novel. A new telephone, installed by my nice dad when I was away from home, is sitting quietly with its cord hanging in the conditioned air at the end of my bed while the model train, replica of the one I rode to the lovely moutain Alishan in Taiwan, is leaning to its right over the air ticket that brought me to two countries just last month. I am back for four days. As a matter of fact, I have been busy going out with my long-known friend who came back from the United States after absence for five years. Just til tonight, after a light supper, he left for his uncle's place one day before departing his hometown. 11:57am. Thunder cracks the quiet night. It is time to sleep if I want to watch the EURO match between Spain and Portugal. Cut-throat battle. Who loses go home. But what? What match? My body is lazily, aimlessly resting on the chair, with my back bent and with my brain relegated into a sense of familiar emptyness. What am I doing? Another few months of travelling? A new job or a surprise. I am busy, yes. But I am also anxious. My friend once told me he had to link himself to Jesus because there is no meaning to life the other way. A nice job, good salary equal a kind of stability that he feels inadequate to live with. He thinks he can only find his life from believing in Christianity. Unfortunately, I am not a Christian. So, what do I need? Where can I find satisfaction? I am still looking for it - yet passively - Fragility continues its attack. Although my soul on the positive side, recovered just recently, tells me it may take some time, I still fear loneliness is actually my basic trait, and now I am back to it.